Look too hard for one thing
You will miss everything else
And then
The people around you get hurt in the process
Tuesday, 30 October 2012
Monday, 29 October 2012
The sun goes down
There is a demon among us, whose soul belongs in hell
Sent here to redeem us, she knows it all too well
He comes and goes, he comes and goes, she knows it all too well
But when all is said and done
The sun goes down
She tries her best to leave him, but she is still captured by his spell
She knows now she must deceive him, he knows it all too well
She comes and goes, she comes and goes, he knows it all too well
But when all is said and done
The sun goes down
She comes and goes, she comes and goes, he knows it all too well
But when all is said and done
The sun goes down
There is a demon within us
The sun goes down
She tries her best to deceive him
The sun goes down
Sent here to redeem us, she knows it all too well
He comes and goes, he comes and goes, she knows it all too well
But when all is said and done
The sun goes down
She tries her best to leave him, but she is still captured by his spell
She knows now she must deceive him, he knows it all too well
She comes and goes, she comes and goes, he knows it all too well
But when all is said and done
The sun goes down
She comes and goes, she comes and goes, he knows it all too well
But when all is said and done
The sun goes down
There is a demon within us
The sun goes down
She tries her best to deceive him
The sun goes down
Thursday, 25 October 2012
Sleepwalking
I can wriggle out of arrangements
You can't pin me down
I tend to dodge engagements
I'll see you around
Am I ok
Not really, no
I seem to stop and start,
Anything I can do let me know
I think I'll sleepwalk out of my heart
Sleepwalk in the daytime
Access to all fours
Sleepwalk in a straight line
Leading out of the door
Shop through city on a world of eyes
Marvelously dead
These friends of mine need exercise
They sleepwalk instead
No guardian angle intercepts the
Sleepwalkin' kid
Who sleepwalks the fractured steps
To the sleepwalking skids
The way the private eye goes
About his ancient art
I can do it with me eyes closed
Sleepwalk out of my heart
Stop, look, listen to the zombie
The hoochie coochie blues
Black slacks and a crombie
Gucci shoes
A psycho stud and his steady girl
Are heading right this way
When all the footsteps in the world
Sleepwalk away
A victim of ambition
Loitering with intent
The human condition
But who knows what percent
Goodbye from me till now
I never really care
Sleepwalk anyhow
Anywhere
Sleepwalk, talk
Faster and faster
One of these talking birds
Sleepwalk away from disasters
Like they never occurred
Too much devotion
Keeps me apart
Sleepwalk in slow motion
Out of my heart
In the creepy zilch of subways
The sub pedestrian plod
Sleepwalk on Sunday
Beneath the domes of God
Such a hazardous pastime
I'm gonna be smart
Sleepwalk for the last time
Out of my heart
Sleepwalk on duty
See myself in a pool
A sleepwalking cutie
Sleepwalking fool
Stuck in the afternoon
They do go on
When normal service is resumed
I'll be sleepwalking young
John Cooper Clarke
You can't pin me down
I tend to dodge engagements
I'll see you around
Am I ok
Not really, no
I seem to stop and start,
Anything I can do let me know
I think I'll sleepwalk out of my heart
Sleepwalk in the daytime
Access to all fours
Sleepwalk in a straight line
Leading out of the door
Shop through city on a world of eyes
Marvelously dead
These friends of mine need exercise
They sleepwalk instead
No guardian angle intercepts the
Sleepwalkin' kid
Who sleepwalks the fractured steps
To the sleepwalking skids
The way the private eye goes
About his ancient art
I can do it with me eyes closed
Sleepwalk out of my heart
Stop, look, listen to the zombie
The hoochie coochie blues
Black slacks and a crombie
Gucci shoes
A psycho stud and his steady girl
Are heading right this way
When all the footsteps in the world
Sleepwalk away
A victim of ambition
Loitering with intent
The human condition
But who knows what percent
Goodbye from me till now
I never really care
Sleepwalk anyhow
Anywhere
Sleepwalk, talk
Faster and faster
One of these talking birds
Sleepwalk away from disasters
Like they never occurred
Too much devotion
Keeps me apart
Sleepwalk in slow motion
Out of my heart
In the creepy zilch of subways
The sub pedestrian plod
Sleepwalk on Sunday
Beneath the domes of God
Such a hazardous pastime
I'm gonna be smart
Sleepwalk for the last time
Out of my heart
Sleepwalk on duty
See myself in a pool
A sleepwalking cutie
Sleepwalking fool
Stuck in the afternoon
They do go on
When normal service is resumed
I'll be sleepwalking young
John Cooper Clarke
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Tuesday, 16 October 2012
"Ive been having these weird thoughts lately...Like is any of this for real...or not?"
An amusing quote
Sometimes its easy to forget about the reality of your surroundings.
As of recently the outlook on my perceptions has become greater.
Which reminded my of this quote, it made me begin to wonder about these newly formed perceptions.
Alot has happened recently. Things that would have driven me to the breaking point.
But instead have made me realize that the trust in those closest to me can help me obtain a more positive outlook on life.
And although I've lost my Father, my biggest inspiration. I never lost what I have learned from him, all the good memories of him. I realized that I was lucky to have him in my life for 21 years. And its futile to live in the past.
He will always be in my heart and its time to move on and live my life the way he wants me to.
An amusing quote
Sometimes its easy to forget about the reality of your surroundings.
As of recently the outlook on my perceptions has become greater.
Which reminded my of this quote, it made me begin to wonder about these newly formed perceptions.
Alot has happened recently. Things that would have driven me to the breaking point.
But instead have made me realize that the trust in those closest to me can help me obtain a more positive outlook on life.
And although I've lost my Father, my biggest inspiration. I never lost what I have learned from him, all the good memories of him. I realized that I was lucky to have him in my life for 21 years. And its futile to live in the past.
He will always be in my heart and its time to move on and live my life the way he wants me to.
Thursday, 4 October 2012
Tuesday, 2 October 2012
8 months today
Last weekend I was feeling quite down.
These last few days ive been feeling even worse...
Sundays now seem to be a family day, the idea's good and I enjoy spending time with my family. But at the same time they make me feel awful...
As nice as they seem...the entire time I just cant stop thinking that theres something missing...
And whats missing of course is my Dad. The head of our family
We are never going to be a complete family again now that hes gone. And thats all I think whenever the family is together, I feel horrible for thinking that but its just how I feel about it....
I cant stop thinking about him...I just get more upset with each thought about him...all the happy memories I have of him instantly make me realize im never going to have anymore of them...
He's really gone...I still cant believe it
It was 8 months ago tonight that it happened...
A day ill never forget.
Went up to the hospice to see him in the morning, he had slept well that night Mum said. I spent the whole day there with everyone, in the afternoon 3 of his best friends came to see him.
I then remember sitting with him just for abit it was just me and him...river cottage was on the t.v which was something we always used to watch together, he didnt realize it was on...he could barely see, his eyes were so glazed you could see his pupils anymore.
He couldnt hear well now either...so I remember shouting to him that river cottage was on...he then looked at me and nodded...
I always used to sit and watch t.v with him in the evenings for as long as I can remember, just because I admired him more than anyone I just wanted to sit with him and be around him. I used to watch alot of cookery programmes with him because cooking was one of his favorite things, and he was an amazing cook there wasnt one thing he didnt know how to make. He always liked watching the discovery channel, he would always watch things like globe trekker, blue planet, and anything else they had going, he liked to watch and learn about the world. Those are the things id watch on a sunday with him in the morning or just after dinner. Then I would go out and he would go and sleep for abit. And when id come home he would be downstairs again he would always be there and he'd always say Alright Son.
Im never going to hear him say that again.
But now he was on the way out and he didnt even know what was on the t.v, I just didnt know what to say to him I was so scared...
I just cant stop regretting not saying something more to him...that was the last moment I had with him just the two of us....there were so many things that I wanted to say but I panicked...I just couldnt comprehend the whole situation...that he was in this place to pass on...to die.
Later that afternoon I was sitting in the room with him and a few others. He wanted to get up to go the toilet but he had a tube for that so he didnt have to get up. He didnt realize this and kept trying to get up we all kept telling him he didnt need to move.
Then he just said...for fucks sake
It was something he used to say alot, whenever he'd get annoyed that would be the first thing he'd say...and it was also the last thing I ever heard him say....
Not long after that I was going back home with my brother and my uncle. I remember saying ill see you soon Dad before I left and kissed him on the head as I left.
That was the last time I got to see him while he was still in a conscious state...
After we got home for abit, we got the phonecall saying this is it we need to get back up there now....
When we got there, there he was lying there breathing so heavily. Eyes closed. My Mum by his side holding his hand tears rolling down her eyes...there was another seat so I sat down and held his other hand...the doctors said he had been given a large dose of morphine...each breath he took was slower than the last....you could hear gargling as he was breathing...like he was slowly drowning....and there was nothing else that I could do...that anyone of us could do...but just sit with him and wait for him to go...
I kept saying to him. please let go...you dont need to hold on any longer
I let my brother Simon take my seat after id sat with him for a while. He was in tears sitting there holding his hand...I never cried in front of my Dad about his illness. I wanted to stay strong for him.
I sat in the waiting room for a while...because I knew that he was going and second.....
I should have sat there with him until the end....I feel so pathetic
I was so scared I didnt know what to do...I couldnt face it...seeing him die...I just couldnt do it
I was only out of the room for a minute...then my uncle walked in and just said...hes gone and he broke down as he said it...that was it then everything id held back in front of my Dad just came flooding out....
That was it...my Dad. My idol. My hero. My role model. Was gone...
I went in there to see him one more time....
Ill never forget it...I walked in and he was just lying there...eyes rolled up....I was actually looking at my Dad after he had passed away...I couldn't comprehend it....I was so numb............
I looked at him
I told him I loved him and that he was my hero
And then I kissed him on the head
I walked out...and that was the last I ever saw of the greatest person in my life...
These last few days ive been feeling even worse...
Sundays now seem to be a family day, the idea's good and I enjoy spending time with my family. But at the same time they make me feel awful...
As nice as they seem...the entire time I just cant stop thinking that theres something missing...
And whats missing of course is my Dad. The head of our family
We are never going to be a complete family again now that hes gone. And thats all I think whenever the family is together, I feel horrible for thinking that but its just how I feel about it....
I cant stop thinking about him...I just get more upset with each thought about him...all the happy memories I have of him instantly make me realize im never going to have anymore of them...
He's really gone...I still cant believe it
It was 8 months ago tonight that it happened...
A day ill never forget.
Went up to the hospice to see him in the morning, he had slept well that night Mum said. I spent the whole day there with everyone, in the afternoon 3 of his best friends came to see him.
I then remember sitting with him just for abit it was just me and him...river cottage was on the t.v which was something we always used to watch together, he didnt realize it was on...he could barely see, his eyes were so glazed you could see his pupils anymore.
He couldnt hear well now either...so I remember shouting to him that river cottage was on...he then looked at me and nodded...
I always used to sit and watch t.v with him in the evenings for as long as I can remember, just because I admired him more than anyone I just wanted to sit with him and be around him. I used to watch alot of cookery programmes with him because cooking was one of his favorite things, and he was an amazing cook there wasnt one thing he didnt know how to make. He always liked watching the discovery channel, he would always watch things like globe trekker, blue planet, and anything else they had going, he liked to watch and learn about the world. Those are the things id watch on a sunday with him in the morning or just after dinner. Then I would go out and he would go and sleep for abit. And when id come home he would be downstairs again he would always be there and he'd always say Alright Son.
Im never going to hear him say that again.
But now he was on the way out and he didnt even know what was on the t.v, I just didnt know what to say to him I was so scared...
I just cant stop regretting not saying something more to him...that was the last moment I had with him just the two of us....there were so many things that I wanted to say but I panicked...I just couldnt comprehend the whole situation...that he was in this place to pass on...to die.
Later that afternoon I was sitting in the room with him and a few others. He wanted to get up to go the toilet but he had a tube for that so he didnt have to get up. He didnt realize this and kept trying to get up we all kept telling him he didnt need to move.
Then he just said...for fucks sake
It was something he used to say alot, whenever he'd get annoyed that would be the first thing he'd say...and it was also the last thing I ever heard him say....
Not long after that I was going back home with my brother and my uncle. I remember saying ill see you soon Dad before I left and kissed him on the head as I left.
That was the last time I got to see him while he was still in a conscious state...
After we got home for abit, we got the phonecall saying this is it we need to get back up there now....
When we got there, there he was lying there breathing so heavily. Eyes closed. My Mum by his side holding his hand tears rolling down her eyes...there was another seat so I sat down and held his other hand...the doctors said he had been given a large dose of morphine...each breath he took was slower than the last....you could hear gargling as he was breathing...like he was slowly drowning....and there was nothing else that I could do...that anyone of us could do...but just sit with him and wait for him to go...
I kept saying to him. please let go...you dont need to hold on any longer
I let my brother Simon take my seat after id sat with him for a while. He was in tears sitting there holding his hand...I never cried in front of my Dad about his illness. I wanted to stay strong for him.
I sat in the waiting room for a while...because I knew that he was going and second.....
I should have sat there with him until the end....I feel so pathetic
I was so scared I didnt know what to do...I couldnt face it...seeing him die...I just couldnt do it
I was only out of the room for a minute...then my uncle walked in and just said...hes gone and he broke down as he said it...that was it then everything id held back in front of my Dad just came flooding out....
That was it...my Dad. My idol. My hero. My role model. Was gone...
I went in there to see him one more time....
Ill never forget it...I walked in and he was just lying there...eyes rolled up....I was actually looking at my Dad after he had passed away...I couldn't comprehend it....I was so numb............
I looked at him
I told him I loved him and that he was my hero
And then I kissed him on the head
I walked out...and that was the last I ever saw of the greatest person in my life...
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