Life

My Father was the greatest person I ever knew.
I looked up to him my whole life.
Everything I do is because of what I have learned from him.
I always wanted to be like him, he was loved and respected by all who knew him.
Never once did I hear someone say a bad thing about him.
His philosophy in life was to always to your best, to always help others whenever possible.
He liked things to be done his way, which was usually the right way.
Although he left school when he was only 15 he was the wisest person that Ive ever known. He knew everything and always had the right things to say.
I just wish I had gotten to know him more as I am now. As an adult rather than just his son.
Even when facing death he still made me feel safe.
How could he be so brave, never showed any weakness or vulnerability even during his final days.
I'll never be as good as he was.
He was perfect.
He will always be my hero.
He will always be my Dad

I never though that I would feel happiness again.
To enjoy life again, rather than worry about it.


Until I met her...

For someone so beautiful to notice someone like me and want to be with me, is a miracle.
She is the most beautiful person I have ever met.
She can see the beauty in me that I cannot, I can see hers as clear as daylight, it radiates throughout her.
Her beautiful smile is so comforting, so enlightening.
She is so kind and considerate, she's so down to earth
The way she looks at me when I have said something to annoy her, brings a smile to my face.

It bothers me that she has doubts, I just want to make her as happy as possible.
Because she deserves it.
She is worried about hurting me.

I cant be hurt.
I'm already broken, and she is the one who is making feel whole again.

I dont want to spend my whole life worrying, when I have so much to enjoy in the present.

I get bored at night

Because im nocturnal I have to think of ways to keep myself entertained at night, so I though id watch a scanner darkly a particular favorite film of mine

Its based on a book written by one of my favorite authors Philip.K.Dick of the same name

To trying to sum up the story is quite difficult, but basically the story is set in the near future people are becoming more drug addicted particularly to a new drug called substance D. The protagonist is a man called Bob Archter who works as an undercover narcotics officer however he wears a suit that alters his appearance whilst he works so his identity is unknown and is known only as Fred.

Bob when he isnt working as Fred is a drug addict himself to substance D

One day Fred is asked to investigate a potential drug dealer who is called Bob Archter...

"I'm supposed to act like they arent here, assuming there's a they at all
It may just be my imagination, whatever it is that's watching, its not human
Unlike little dark eyed Donna, it doesn't ever blink
What does a scanner see, into the head, down into the heart, does it see into me, into us
Clearly or darkly
I hope it sees clearly because I can no longer see into myself, I see only murk
I hope for everyone's sake the scanners do better
Because if the scanners see only darkly like the way I do
Then I'm cursed and cursed again, and will only wind up dead this way
Knowing very little, and getting that very little fragment wrong too"

One of my favorite quotes

A poem from Ashley

Looking through documents on my computer I found this poem that she wrote for me

The melody whispers across my soul.
Beat an endless rhythm, chanced as if reflected an existence,
Looking back to a past that had seized to be, yet there he stood.
Those who beauty is first given in turn into those who others despise.
Not for a jealousy but for how ugly personality is perceived.
Not him.
The first for eyes to sweep over. The first that attention does not fall, does not notice the beauty that slowly
raises its head.
You notice how beautiful they are truly as modesty keeps it all within them.
A rarity in this world.

I'm gonna annoy her now, but shes so talented :P

A scattered dream that's like a far-off memory

A far off memory that's like a scattered dream

I want to line the pieces up

Yours and mine

Cellar Door

My first attempt at creative writing

As he lay awake that night the events of times past began to unfold and transition from once memories, into newly formed lucid realities. A new world had been bestowed upon him, images that he had only seen in dreams had now manifested and become fully comprehensible. Now that his surroundings had been established he became eager to explore this vision that had appeared so unexpectedly to him.

Taking his first step into the newly formed world a slow dance of bright blue lights caught his gaze, he followed their brightly emitted hue until they ascended upwards and dispersed into the sky. The sky a once powerful illumination by day, and a aphotic overseer by night now appeared before him as being neither light nor dark, as if day and night had lost their predominance.

He no longer had any sense of ordinary consciousness, he had become enveloped into this astonishing voyage. Time had now become irrelevant, each moment could have lasted a lifetime. As this translucent experience progressed onwards he found himself before a beach, surrounded in a shroud of opal coloured sand. He could see no end to it, as if the beach stretched as far as his mind could comprehend it.

As he sat down, still without questioning the nature of these visions his attention had once again been brought to the sky. Until now the space which had portrayed neither light nor dark had suddenly erupted into a flurry of golden shapes and patterns, they began so swell and vibrate each becoming more enlightening than the last. Until finally a final burst of light immersed the sky into an inexplicable aura.

There was no worry in his mind, no fear. All he felt was comfort, every essence of his being was in awe of the light. This moment in his mind felt eternal, the comforting feeling that the light bestowed was familiar as if it had always been with him. He continued to gaze into the light, but now it began to fade. As if it’s once shining beauty had become masqueraded by doubt.

In his mind he felt as if the light had now become only half of what it once was, a shining beacon of hope had now become astray. The feelings that had previously eluded him now began to surface. Now having been exposed to doubt the nature of what he had once felt began to notice what lay beneath the light and what was forming before him.

Shimmering waves that glistened from the light had begun to slither and sweep away the beach, the bright opal coloured sand was becoming consumed and contaminated by the dark waters of dubiousness until he himself began to feel them consume him. The ever growing ocean continued to rise and the once bright light slowly began to fade all together

In that moment he found himself once again lying awake that night gazing into the rough rounded patterns of his ceiling. A cold sweat, a fast heart, and a head full of questions that would go unanswered. 

He took a deep breath and released an equally great sigh, he began to close his eyes, and although he could not begin to fathom the reasoning for this experience he remained ever vigilant of what would await him the next night.

That was the first attempt at creative writing...which I only did because Ashley wanted me to :) and im glad she made me because I have realized that I really enjoy it.

However I'll never be as good as her, she is a fantastic writer, so creative and elusive

And beautiful :D

 

Im so glad I met her, shes amazing :)